The Sense of Belonging: Building Connections and Enhancing Well-being

The sense of belonging refers to an individual’s feeling of being part of a group, community, or family. This feeling allows a person to feel safe, accepted, and valued. However, lacking a sense of belonging can lead to profound feelings of loneliness, exclusion, and isolation for many people. In this blog post, we will explore the foundations of the sense of belonging, how it develops within the family, and ways to enhance this feeling.

What is the Sense of Belonging?

The sense of belonging is the feeling that an individual is secure and accepted within a particular group or community. This sense is one of the fundamental psychological needs and plays a significant role in a person’s life. Belonging allows a person to feel part of a place, group, or community, and this feeling has a positive impact on the individual’s psychological health.

Accomodating oneself vs. Belonging

Accomodationg oneself is the opposite of belonging. Accomodationg oneself involves an individual shaping themselves according to external expectations or norms, often suppressing their authentic self. In this state, the person distances themselves from their true self to meet societal or environmental expectations. The more one strives to accomodate, the more one becomes alienated from oneself and their surroundings.

The Foundation of Belonging: (Not) Feeling of Belonging in the Nuclear Family

To experience a sense of belonging, it is crucial for individuals to be able to express their authentic selves within the family, showcasing their true identity. Feelings of care, acceptance, and trust from the family help individuals accept themselves as they are and exist within the community with their authentic identity. If an individual does not have the freedom to express themselves within the family, their sense of belonging may weaken, and they may feel a lack of this feeling throughout their life. This situation can be explained by two concepts:

Basic Trust

Basic trust develops from the responsive, consistent, and supportive behaviors of caregivers during infancy. This trust forms the belief that one’s environment is reliable and predictable. For instance, when a baby sees that their needs are met promptly by caregivers in times of hunger or discomfort, they feel safe and valued. This sense of trust strengthens the individual’s confidence in their surroundings and helps them feel supported, laying the foundation for secure attachment.

Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is a result of basic trust and refers to the emotional relationship between a child and their caregivers. Secure attachment allows the child to develop a secure, supportive, and responsive relationship with their caregivers. The child feels comfortable and safe with their caregivers, and when exploring their environment, pursuing authentic curiosity, or engaging in activities that evoke joy, curiosity, excitement, or fear, secure attachment occurs when the family supports them with love and encouragement rather than intimidation, punishment, or ridicule. The world becomes a good place for them despite challenges, and they believe they have the strength and energy to overcome difficulties. They perceive themselves as adequate, loved, strong, and supported, dedicating all their energy to exploration, connection, and self-expression.

These two concepts allow the child’s trust in their caregivers to support healthier and safer social connections. When a child experiences secure attachment, they become a more competent and self-assured individual in handling new social situations. If the sense of trust does not develop, or secure attachment does not occur, the individual will struggle with psychological issues related to self-contact and self-expression as an adult, leaving them with little energy to connect with others, as their energy is consumed by mere survival. Many individuals in their 30s find themselves so engulfed in personal issues that they lack the time, effort, or energy to invest in others. I see live examples of these manifestations in daily life.

Ways to Enhance the Sense of Belonging

For individuals who have not experienced secure attachment and have lost their sense of belonging, the healing process requires a comprehensive approach both emotionally and socially. Steps in this process can be planned to help the individual feel safer, more valued, and more connected to the community. Here are some strategies for someone in this situation:

Personal Awareness and Acceptance

• Understanding the Past: It is important for the person to understand their past experiences related to the lack of secure attachment and sense of belonging, and the impact of these deficiencies on their life. This requires being gentle and understanding with oneself.
• Acceptance: Accepting the difficulties experienced is a crucial step in the healing process. Acknowledging shortcomings and emotional needs without self-criticism is the first step towards healing.

Seeking Professional Support

• Therapy and Counseling: Working with a therapist or counselor can help address past experiences and emotional deficiencies. Therapeutic approaches such as attachment theory, EMDR, or cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective.
• Emotional Support Groups: Joining support groups or communities with similar experiences related to the sense of belonging can help individuals feel less alone and more connected.

Personal Growth and Self-Awareness

• Emotional Regulation: Developing emotional regulation skills can be beneficial in managing emotional states and feeling safer. Techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or breathing exercises may be useful.
• Self-Esteem and Self-Value: Increasing self-esteem and self-value helps individuals feel more valuable and adequate. This can be achieved by focusing on personal achievements and strengths.

Building Healthy Relationships and Social Connections

• Supportive Relationships: Forming relationships with individuals who develop secure attachment skills and provide emotional support is important. Relationships with supportive friends or partners can enhance the sense of belonging.
• Community Activities: Participating in social groups, clubs, or volunteer work can support the sense of belonging. Such activities help individuals connect with the community.

Personal Boundaries and Healthy Communication

• Setting Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining personal boundaries is fundamental to healthy relationships. Clearly expressing one’s boundaries can help individuals feel safer.
• Open Communication: Clearly expressing feelings and needs is key to building trust in relationships. Open and honest communication allows for deeper and more meaningful connections.

Secure Connections and Social Support

• Building Secure Connections: Learning and practicing secure attachment skills with trustworthy and supportive individuals can be beneficial. Spending time with people who exhibit secure attachment traits can aid in learning and applying these skills.
• Social Support: Seeking social support and strengthening existing support networks can enhance the sense of belonging. Building strong relationships with family members, friends, or communities creates a supportive social environment.

Personal Projects and Interests

• Personal Interests: Developing projects or hobbies in areas of personal interest provides opportunities for self-expression and a sense of accomplishment. This can enhance personal satisfaction and the sense of belonging.
• Volunteer Work: Contributing to the community and helping others can increase the sense of belonging. Volunteer work allows for connection with the community and sharing a common purpose with others.

Building a sense of belonging requires time and effort. This is also necessary for developing secure attachment. Engaging in a meaningful activity regularly and consistently for a year can be beneficial. If you are already doing so, extending the duration can be helpful. Maintaining relationships, expressing respect in challenging situations, and continuing relationships can enhance secure attachment.

Progressing with Small Steps

Setting small and achievable goals to develop secure attachment and a sense of belonging can be useful. These goals support personal growth and make progress more visible. The healing process may take time, and being gentle and patient with oneself is important for long-term development.

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